Eoja (*nick name) shared a post on her being competitive and how this influences her fallen apart relationship, which then sparked me into thinking.
She mentioned winning and losing the game.
As much as I am unwilling to admit this, I have my moment on this too. Yes, it is immature to even treat broken relationships and our broken selves as the ramification of losing the game, while the other person a.k.a ex strides with his/ her chest puffs out.
But we all need answers. A closure. A something to fill out the gap in our story; exactly, what happened? Coz' even if we don't, our family members do. Our mutual friends do.
And we feel compelled to afford explanations. More so if the other party initiates the call-off. That scarlet letter "D" is going to be imprinted and bore for some time, during which we might not understand why are we the ones being branded like coos.
We start talking to friends, reaching out to family members, indulging in endless work, boozing to numb every central and peripheral nerves so that they stop paining.
We observe the 5 stages of grief, where sometimes we are troubled by the same scenery again and again; getting sad and feeling better the other day before landing into a swirl of maddening-miscellaneous emotions.
And just as we believe we are about to be stuffed by all the things on our plates, concerning others start adding some on our mountain of food.
"You deserve so much better."
"He/she is a jerk. You should move on."
"It's okay. You're gonna be fine."
"Don't sweat it. It's small stuff. There are other more big stuffs in life. Be strong."
They too, are concerned and feel compelled to offer us answers. It is unbearable for our loved ones to see us making lots of divergent thinking which eventually leads back to square one.
It is tough, but doesn't mean it is not viable.
I gradually learned (the hard way) to construct and tell myself story The Way I Want It to be Told.
I guess we all feel sentimental after a nostalgic movie, as it resonates with us at some point, somehow.
And to have something which resonates with resilience, perseverance, and courage, we tell ourselves story using these elements as building blocks.
Things happen. Bad things happen. Very bad things happen.
And for those bad things, their happening do not 100% held us accountable.
Lots of things are needed for something to realize; chemistry is complicated, hence is life.
If a broken relationship means losing to you,
then it must also means winning to you,
because there is pain, there is gain, and vice-versa.
Maybe today is just not your day where you could proudly tell yourself: That's it I'm done with this!
But there will for sure be such a day, when you look at the bitchy incident, you strut, smile before waving: I can't beat you, so I joined you, and I came out as a better person, a happy bitch, and roll ;)
Toast to all the strong hearts out there :)
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