Amateurism_defined

Close your eyes
see no vice
yet hearing cries
and we are only endowed with two hands

So
immerse in the flow of craziness
reach out to make the world less hopeless

Hat

Hat-clad day.

Ain't black or white hat hacker I'm saying here.

An emo hat.

Asked permission from myself earlier to acknowledge today is The hat-wearing day.

Didn't take a long time to fish it from the closet - the one interwoven with intricacies and sophistication of relational networks.

And today, one particular strand stands out.

Reiterating religiously, "You don't snip it away just because of that one glitch, handled properly, is going to live up to its way to the beauty of imperfections."

And the rational one just in front the emotional bun decided to go poetic.

"You know it ain't so.
Pull your knees closer and cross your arms over.
Rest your head on for you just need a shoulder. "

진짜,아니야 .

Just wanna dance to this song right now.
*On a second note, I-cant-dance-who-am-I-kidding -.- On a third note, self-amusement means I'm gonna throw on my party hat and continue rolling, soon.

So, on the count to...3, and?  Hey presto!

Stronger

No gimmicks, just, S.T.R.O.N.G.E.R

Eoja (*nick name) shared a post on her being competitive and how this influences her fallen apart relationship, which then sparked me into thinking.

She mentioned winning and losing the game.

As much as I am unwilling to admit this, I have my moment on this too. Yes, it is immature to even treat broken relationships and our broken selves as the ramification of losing the game, while the other person a.k.a ex strides with his/ her chest puffs out.

But we all need answers. A closure. A something to fill out the gap in our story; exactly, what happened? Coz' even if we don't, our family members do. Our mutual friends do.

And we feel compelled to afford explanations. More so if the other party initiates the call-off. That scarlet letter "D" is going to be imprinted and bore for some time, during which we might not understand why are we the ones being branded like coos.

We start talking to friends, reaching out to family members, indulging in endless work, boozing to numb every central and peripheral nerves so that they stop paining.

We observe the 5 stages of grief, where sometimes we are troubled by the same scenery again and again; getting sad and feeling better the other day before landing into a swirl of maddening-miscellaneous emotions.

And just as we believe we are about to be stuffed by all the things on our plates, concerning others start adding some on our mountain of food.
"You deserve so much better."
"He/she is a jerk. You should move on."
"It's okay. You're gonna be fine."
"Don't sweat it. It's small stuff. There are other more big stuffs in life. Be strong."

They too, are concerned and feel compelled to offer us answers. It is unbearable for our loved ones to see us making lots of divergent thinking which eventually leads back to square one.

It is tough, but doesn't mean it is not viable.

I gradually learned (the hard way) to construct and tell myself story The Way I Want It to be Told.

I guess we all feel sentimental after a nostalgic movie, as it resonates with us at some point, somehow.

And to have something which resonates with resilience, perseverance, and courage, we tell ourselves story using these elements as building blocks.

Things happen. Bad things happen. Very bad things happen.
And for those bad things, their happening do not 100% held us accountable.
Lots of things are needed for something to realize; chemistry is complicated, hence is life.

If a broken relationship means losing to you,
then it must also means winning to you,
because there is pain, there is gain, and vice-versa.

Maybe today is just not your day where you could proudly tell yourself: That's it I'm done with this!
But there will for sure be such a day, when you look at the bitchy incident, you strut, smile before waving: I can't beat you, so I joined you, and I came out as a better person, a happy bitch, and roll ;)

Toast to all the strong hearts out there :)

 Sealed the post with Wong Fu's After Us <3

爱.这回事

身旁大部分的朋友不是低头看脸书，Instagram，就是在轰轰烈烈地讨论着红透半边天的武媚娘传奇。

昨晚跟同学Real (*代名词）聊起这套电视剧，都不约而同觉得这浪漫唯美的剧情会让史学家们蹦脚。

Real 很感慨；权利可以侵蚀一个人至此。

当一个单纯浪漫主义的人道出“尝过权力、金钱、爱情才知道只有权力和金钱才互相取暖依偎”时，我也感慨了。自高中毕业分道扬镳后，你到底走过什么样的旅程呢？

捎点无奈，你笑说我单纯开朗，入世未深，尚未见过这个社会的人心险恶，所谓情谊，都只是居心叵测。

只是Real, 处身于社会的大染缸，能不被染上任何一点色彩吗？

在韩国修哲学时，很喜欢老师对阴、阳的见解；因为阴所以阳，因为圆所以缺。

所以Real,开朗的资本，是之前掉进人生其中一个摸不清十指更甭谈自己的一颗心的谷底时，即使折断两条腿也慢慢地让自己站起来，随之对着昔日的黑暗深深鞠个躬然后豪迈地大笑自己傻气把自己给绊倒了；因为暗，所以光。

而你，也因为爱，所以恨，对吗？痛恨自己的天真、悔恨自己的高估。

今早看了以色列海法大学的研究，其中一项结果特别有劲儿。

简单而言，就是研究者们发现两只初见面的老鼠脑神经元所产生的火花可灿烂了。就算把其中一只老鼠移开，剩下的那只老鼠脑神经元所产生的火花依旧轰烈(in a state of social arousal). 只是，当两只老鼠开始熟悉彼此时，火花就没那么惊天动地泣鬼神了。

突发奇想你所倾诉的。

或许你跟过去心爱的他亦如此。不管从那个角度瞻望仰望，希望热恋期分分秒秒过一辈子的都属不切实际。撇开爱情三角理论，从进化论到２１世纪最热切的中央神经系统研究，到对现在的你而言最贴切的现实论，没有一辈子的洪水爆发肾上腺素激增。

爱跟热恋不是同等关系；它只是大爱里的其中一个小爱。日子久了火花少了，难道就不叫爱了吗？我们又怎么能肯定在火花薄弱的时候，有一些其他的东西开始滋长了呢；就好像，滋养了一份成熟、一人变俩人一起奋斗的梦想；因为少，所以多。

你也说，带着疼痛的伤口，自己压根儿都不想在再踏步于感情这条路。雨夜搂着房子车子钞票似乎更温暖踏实有存在感。

I get you so far, except for the warmth part；请问你搂着的是在烧钞票的锅子吗？还是印有钞票图案的暖暖包？

傻丫头。
哪个人在感情里都是clean slate不带伤的啊，虽说现在外科手术很发达。

The prettiest thing?

Two persons who were in the past hurt to the heart's core, holding hands, side by side, comparing gnarly scars, laugh at them, and embrace each other into each other's world.

致亲爱的女孩：

女孩，

当自个儿的女友诉说自己的治疗风格不被按部就班的supervisor接纳时，

你着急地抓住她的手说，

把supervisor换了－千万别因此丧失自己spontaneous且独具疗愈性陪伴的风格！

女孩，

当八年的好姐妹哭诉自己会因身形而不被任何人接纳及爱护时，

你一把眼泪地搂住她说，

把会嫌弃你外在的混蛋给甩后头－千万别因此对人性及爱情丧失了最初的信任与悸动！

女孩，

当爱得疯狂傻得天真的恋爱落幕自己被席卷到无穷无尽的黑暗时，

你撕掉了身上的那套爱情嫁纱，边燎起火源边搂着自己说，

不幸的存在只因想让你知道幸福在不远处，柳暗花明又一村；只要把光带到黑暗里，就有光明了。

女孩，

你是如此的有爱，坚强；看似被摧毁，殊不知是置死地、而后生。

请相信自己所栽种的爱心花圃，它们的根都扎在充满孕育的土壤；每朵开出的花，都是风雨后，虽疲惫，虽损伤，但仍怀着赤子之心把花开得最好最美，希望看到的人都有那么一点点地被疗愈。

所以女孩，

你是好用心地在经营自己那破碎的完整，

别为了任何一个人，包括现在亲爱的他而改变了自己那美丽的根本。

爱是让自己成为更好的人，与他并肩并没有错。

但爱不是雕刻－把自己刻成他爱的形状。

若是这样，那亲爱的女孩，你会去哪里呢？

你，快乐吗？

Tulip_Everland_Seoul, Korea__Yenn

女孩，

还记得你最喜欢的郁金香吗？

娇嫩，但从六英寸的深土破尘而出。

女孩，

还记得你最喜欢的一首歌吗？

“懂得天真是包袱　却不想改变面目”

送给最亲爱的你：像女孩的女人

真诚地祝福，你也永远保有自己那有爱nurturing的灵性~