One Step by A Time 一步步

不知道什么时候，自己也变成了自己很讨厌的类型--攀比，管别人的成绩。
not like asking around would score yourself a point.
완전 허송 ><

今天，很感谢日本老师答应让我们上课。
其实不该埋怨- 最愚蠢的莫过于为了他答应让我们上他课的理由而难过。
不是因为咱们极力争取，因为在这儿一段时间，直到有些事情，特别是科目，无论怎么争取, no matter how beautifully phrased the promise is, well, it remains as stereotypical type of promise-- promise wont come true.

其实目的已经达到了-学日语。
为什么犯了一个自己已经明白很久的道理-- 目标达到了，在没有伤天害理的情况下。那为何要这么在乎目标是怎么达到的？
把帮助我达到目标的人当贵人，也许自己也比较开心。

很久没有自我分析，所以在想，也许是来到这儿才发觉自己有多么地不足，很多事情得靠朋友- 地理性--去哪儿玩儿， 韩语，我宛如初学者，牙牙学语的小孩，stumbled my way upon the unknowns, letting it tearing down my self esteem.
就是因为有比较，所以才一直觉得很不堪，什么都不好，再加上自己擅长的一直没法发挥，也心急交朋友，所以言语上也变得不可爱了- 喜欢八卦，喜欢埋怨，喜欢talk in conforming manner.

难怪会觉得怎么来韩后好象变了另一个人。
很谢谢今天的日文课， 让我重新再发觉，人生如果学习是为了攀比，那如果再也没有攀比后，是不是就一直颓废着不学了，止步了？
为什么要让攀比支配自己的人生，让它决定我要学什么，逼自己什么。

学习不是就是学自己喜欢的？
就像当初，对日语的热爱。

原来最近感觉老师这个原因啊~
所做的事情缺了热爱，热诚- 都变机械化。

原来我脱轨了。。
很难过的一件事--我竟然脱轨这么久了。
可是也很高兴。
就是因为脱轨，然后再让我发现，才会更珍惜正常行轨的日子~

今天的目标：31-3-2011
走自己的脚步，不要转头看别人怎么走。
因为我有我自己的风格。
但如果有人摔倒或不会走路，我会扶他/她一把~
这样大家都开心^^咱们，可以一起走~

工作-辛苦

五点了。
我没有埋怨，因为我明白，选择了就是代表一份责任，一份尽力。
原来，这就是为工作而拼命的感觉。
其实感觉蛮不一样的，跟念书不一样。
念书是拼命 XD
其实现在也是一样 :P
只是不一样的是，感觉不孤单，因为都有朋友们陪着念书~

突然想到，工作辛苦赚来的钱如何使用。
华人嘛，节俭是美德，通常总是把辛苦赚的好好存起来。

但我有一个打算：把它们全用尽！
I have a plan~
这是jennifer lopez 在 the backup plan 里面的一句~
随着一声ding,观众们得到了答案--她所说的plan是什么。

也许，会有那么一个ding~
然后我喜滋滋地写下花钱过程~^^

但要花也花得不易~
得先去research ^^

已经有点adrenaline rush 了~
所以，明天再加油~
努力赚钱，然后努力花完！^^
先写下免得忘记~

blah blah star^^~

another realization that struck today- I nicely prescribed a standard for my blog @@

hope i am not the first geek to bound everything with standards, even something as simple as blogging. 

these are what i told myself:

- precise usage of grammar (which i am still gonna stick to, except apologies for some slang :P)

- blog only on things that are philosophical, opinion-based, or quotes. short stories can be blogged occasionally- but not too much as it is another way to assess one's inner world. 

- blog nothing about complaints or negative feelings. you don't feel comfortable having it choking in your chest threatening to burst out via verbal means- so there isnt a point really to contaminate and suffocate the blog with complains. 

now that i reviewed my own 'standards'- holy mackerel...

i started to suddenly realize, that it is NOT shameful to share negative feelings. 

whatever i have encountered, others might have encounter, or, yet to encounter. 

sharing yields advice, broaden horizon and eventually, as an experienced person, giving out advice to help the others who are in the same situation. 

the culture says you shouldn't exhibit feelings- it is the weakest point of human being, and thus, the strongest weapon that can be used against anybody. how ironic...

i dont feel good about this- why suppress when you can express? being able to express and interact is such a great gift~ off course, do not take self expression for granted by tinting it with heavy tone, generally acknowledged unpleasant gestures. expression is about getting your point to the other person, not straining the relationship. the goal of expressing-- therefore, should be crystal clear--aim to tell, to share, not harm, revenge, insult.

why the sudden enlightenment? 

i just read tuesday with morrie^^ good book, it is (Yoda style~)

a shift in taste that delights^^

recently realize that i am starting to like things that i do not like before, and found them cute^^~

i have a confession to make: recently i am obsessed with memo pads ^^~
thanks to elaine who delighted me with korean cutest memo pad ever, i started to like them and eventually, i got to know bout domo-kun-- a japanese character which is simple, yet i found it cute now^^
simplicity reaches the heart best-- guess it applies ^^
i still remembered the first time i saw domo-kun.

being a memo pad geek means some memo pads are meant to be kept and not for usage.
so i bought another one with domo-kun, not because of liking but simply because i need something to use while others became collector's collection ~ <3

and that is how i like domo-kun@@
weird enough XD

lil peep of domo-kun^^ simple, yet cute^^ <3
in addition, it has a very cute origin too^^~
domo, in japanese means thank you, kun, mr/mrs~ (literally: mr/ mrs thank you^^)
awww~~ so cuteee <3
somehow reminds me of my two best friends, ian and fifi~ because you guys seem to have the same gestures domo-kun is doing ^^ like this one--garu garu kepala XD ian always do this when you are recalling to him how was he like when he was in semester 1, while fifi always do this when she pretend to forget what she had said coz the reality is opposite to what she said XD so to cover up the embarrassment she will scratch her head a lil, with her head tilt a lil ^^~

domo-kun~~ no mu no mu kawaiii desu^^

je ka a chuuu chuu waaa <3 

gereso, domo-kun soft toy sa go shippoyo^^~ <3