想念

在social network看到一则故事，说是第一次带爷爷去坐飞机，吃麦当劳。

我突然想起很多事情。

小时候，去幼稚园的途中，爷爷总是会在半途中停车，然后让我跟表妹玩扭扭机。

那时候，扭扭机很著名，最大的乐趣莫过于扭蛋，然后把蛋敲开，取出里面的玩具收藏。

爷爷总是在那个马来老伯伯的小店停下，让我们扭蛋，然后乘机买糖果，小零嘴。

公公－车很旧，很老了。从小到大，每当要去哪里，最深刻的印象就是那架老老，白色的老爷车。

当时还小，对品牌很懵懂。每次去

其实，想想，也不知道为什么会生气，伤心，然后哭。
自己做的事，做的决定，就自己负责，对吗？
说了自己的立场，就不该管辖别人会怎么想。
毕竟，如果不说，他人也不知道他们已经超越自己容忍的界限。

其实，是自己不应该再拿朋友来当借口。
毕竟所做的，好像已经超越朋友会做的事了。

在难过的，其实是气自己没能保护自己，反而更能包容他人，纵容他们得寸进尺，对吗？

当朋友没有不对。
对朋友好，也没有不对。
是自己尺度没有拿捏好，让他人乘虚而入。

也不能怪他。
他本来就不是这样。
这只是他的面具，真正的他，应该就像哈利波特最后一集里的小孩，浑身是伤，躺在火车站椅子的底下- 是伏地魔的灵魂。
不是说他是伏地魔，只是，内心的那个小孩，应该是受到很多创伤，所以，才会这么自私地把自己的快乐建筑在别人的痛苦上。

其实自己内心的小孩也受过创伤啊。
也不想怪谁，毕竟，谁的童年，过去，是没有一丁点的伤痕。
只是，要不要让自己痊愈而已。

我应该要把自己的力气从他那里拿回来。
别人要怎么生活，做什么选择，是我，没法左右的。
我只能让自己变得更好^^

加油！^^

当看到信息那刹

其实话已经说得很清楚了。
只是不知道为什么会痛，泪水在没有前提的情况下就流了。

现在，我在想，为什么会有那样的感觉？
若是不明不白，留有揣测的机会，胡思乱想岂不更痛？
其实现在这样很好，有很多时间想之前草草带过，视之不见的问题。

其实没有太难懂，真的。
若说，话还没有更清楚的话，行动已替话表明了。
就连mind那么抽象的东西，心理学家们都选用一个人的动作，表现，来推测state of mind
为什么还要再投不信任票？

并没有要否认伤心疼痛的事，但现在想起来，为什么要为自己的选择而难过？
而参与者也表态了，自己，也决定尊重他的意见，看法。

觉得啊，现在该做的，不是回避，对参与者不闻不问。
而是，该反省，为何会痛？
痛的原因，真的是因为自己所坚持的原因吗？

今天的能量，要多调调~

本质

有个东西，一直都是重重地。
但大家老爱把它给背上，说：不重不重，就那么点量而已。
旁人好心劝说，它是个包袱，很重的包袱，背着它，老年来会腰酸背痛得不得了。
更糟糕的是，因时时要顾虑着它，在人生的旅途中错失了不少风景。

大家对旁人说：是你背它的方式背错了，才会诸多问题的。
我们还年轻，没问题的！

旁人知道，忠言，不逆耳，因为经验比忠言更逆耳，逆行。

于是大家背着它走上人生的旅途。

它带来很多甜蜜，大家很开心没有听旁人的劝，势要“做自己”，依自己的想法走下去。
就算失误，大家信誓旦旦地说会对自己的选择负责，因为长大了。

于是，从“它” 跟“大家”的关系，“它”逐渐占领举足轻重的位置。
大家开始担忧“它”会失误，会破碎。

不知什么时候，“它”开始变重了。
大家都有此感觉，但还是坚持着最初的快乐- 因为这点快乐，“它”，不可能是包袱。重，只是过渡期，之后就好了-大家安慰自己说。

后来的重，是不容置疑，不可忽视的重了。
有的因“它”而病了，有的因看不开而自我沦陷，甚至自取性命。
大家开始动摇了- 其中有些人，很干脆-扔下“它”，继续往前走。
有些人对此嗤之以鼻，认为这是没有恒心，自信的表现。
于是，继续背着“它”，往前走。。。

多年后，扔下包袱的人，成了旁人。
旁人再度遇上大家- 大家已被磨损了，精力耗竭了，双眼所缺的，尽是当年自己看得至高无上的自信。

旁人不忍，告诉大家：其实，“它”的本质，确实是包袱。
如果你更加保护它，那它只会随着自己的地位变得越来越重。
放下它，打开，仔细看看是什么，然后只取对自己终生受用的就好了。

大家愤怒，不相信自己以前看错。
“它”，绝对不是包袱！
于是，继续背着走，背着走，背着走。。。

从此，成了“它”的奴隶，任由摆布。
偶尔，大家埋怨：我从不曾放弃你，为何你给我越来越重？！你是不是想成为我的包袱？！

多感慨，多自相矛盾啊！

它本来就是包袱，本质是不会因感情的多少而变的。
反之，是人们喜欢用自己付出的情感来衡量未来的得失。
行不通，因为，唯一能变的，就是停止再放感情于“它”身上- 这大家都有能力。
唯一无能为力的，是让“它”变质。

事情有多少对错，不关本质的事。
它本来就是这样。
是自己选择特定的看法，然后在受到压力，得不到回报时再诬赖本质。
本质好冤枉哦...

Peter Suart

I love books with simple pictures and meaningful wordings^^

On my to-buy list:
1. Secret of the universe
2. The love of learning

In search:
One couple two cultures (currently not found yet)  :(

Worst has yet to come when you laugh^^

My parents are really cool in a way that they actually laughed at me when i ranted using mumbo jumbo emotional words- getting them to Sympathy is a definite No-No, but Empathy, yes yes- provided it is spiced with considerable rationality^^ Every time when i am painting with blues and woes, there is a definite criticism, discounting on the blues, saying how bad an artist i am with blues.

Love it when every time talking to daddy, especially, i ended up laughing, for a moment forgetting what is the real serious issue that is worth frowning about :P

This is nice- stop brooding, and start living by laughing^^

I am gonna be a parent like that to my future child :)

When you laugh at your "concern", it got so mocked and teased that it doesnt dare to rally in your life ^^~

Thanks daddy for humor, thanks mommy for structured analysis + advise^^
Life is lovely ^^ <3

yes i have been ranting a lot, creating great grandmother story bout how i have not spent my time wisely and effectively in korea. sometimes, just cant help but doubt, is that even a right choice to go there? but there is always reason behind every of our actions.

and i see the reason^^

whether or not i have gained something in korea is of trivial, as due to that choice, i am now joining an entirely different batch, with every members in the batch closely-knitted like family members^^

what can you ask for? the entire class creates a very conducive atmosphere for studying, and even during lessons. lecturers are pleasant, and i feel i have learned things, as compared to previous semesters with cramming of journals and facts which now, i dont know where i document them in LTM storage ><

i started off liking the class, and i am loving it now ^^
thanks for the help my dear friends^^ i really love you all :)

the key

too much of city dumbs and numbs the senses- hence the yearn for escapade to the suburbs without honks and yanking.

however people of the suburbs may be thinking: too much of the suburbs understimulate senses. i want some honks and yankings.

looks like there is no absolute.

appreciation is the key^^
generalized stereotype of city often blinds senses over tiny lil's spot that speaks differently of a stereotyped city^^

aside from food blog with E (*hopefully could kick start with our suffocating schedule and pocket money), gonna snap pictures that speaks the contrary of city :)

my first step of appreciation by viewing the tiny through lens^^~

happened, happening^^

雨果说：上天给人一份困难时，同时也给人一份智慧。

记得小时候看过四格漫画的雨果传，隐约记得他是有心脏病的。
可是为了保持健康不让心脏病发，他每天积极运动，最记得的就是他每天游泳。
好像活到90+岁，远远超出了医生对他所剩生命的预测。

it is just bless in disguise.

things don't just happen. everything happens for a course, a reason.
remembered saw this somewhere, and it slipped into mind relatively easy, recalled relatively easy, but application wise, it suddenly becomes something very abstract.

see not the happenings, see not the reasons of it, but see the adjunct of happenings. (me^^)

it has been long~ yes blind over what has happened, coz no matter how many times you review it in mind, whatever happened remains happenED.

blind over the reasons of the happening, coz no matter how many times you squeeze your brain juice to catalyze thinking of reasons, that is just gonna be like a magnet that triggers you in thinking of more, and More, and MOre, and MORe, and MORE reasons...and you got drown by lists of reasons, which even confuses you more as to why the happening happens.

blind over the question of who is right, and who is wrong.
who is there to say there is definite right and definite wrong when it comes to things that are legally exceptional? even monolithic Law is created by humans, who are imperfect.
brooding on who is right and wrong yields nothing but confusion.
there is no need for practicing social exchange theory- listing down what i have done right, and what have the other person done wrong.
it is not a fair game, it is merely our perception, and off course whatever from us will only support us, not with the purpose of annihilation.

we are what we are because of what happened in the past.
a sincere thank you to them because they are life lessons- despite unstructured, but in order to survive from ourselves, our potentially detrimental thoughts, they are nonetheless the best manual guide.

pain heals, and the part that wounds grow stronger^^

doesnt mean that it refuses to experience and be hurt once more, it is just more open to embrace pain and hurt as part of the whole^^

rebirth

somehow had a feeling that people who are trying to walk out from a developmental crisis, this is their most vulnerable state, yet blessing- coz this is the chance for them to repaint their life portrait.

phoenix- death, and rebirth.
there is always dying before birth.
heart dies, but experience grows.

it is the cycle of life.
take it, or suffer from resistance.