A woman.
Mid forties. Or, early fifties.
Thick hair laced with some white strands.
And as they were pulled backwards with a simple rubber band, more white strands to reveal.
That rubber band was probably the first thing she got when she fished for something to tame her mane.
A glance at the clock.
5.00 AM. Sunday.
Perfect timing and routine biorhythm to get dressed to the office.
Some lone stars were still trying their very best to shine - hogging the night sky prior to dawn.
Work is like a book, or, books - Some come with depth, others are pure paper cows.
That's what we are paid for - To make sense of the senseless red tapes.
This is what she used to lecture her daughter.
Ah, daughter.
A heavy exhale.
Strange familiarity. Familiar with the strangeness.
9.30 AM. Sunday.
Unlike books, work can never be finished. Else, the employee would be finished instead.
After all, what is left when work is finished ? Redundant job position.
Just like the strange familiarity. What is left when such feeling runs low ?
Estranged familiarity.
With newspaper underarm, the woman slowly walked back to her home.
A heavy exhale.
It is just an accommodation within the 21-story majestic looking 3-star hotel.
Within, it was a studio room enough just for 4 residence.
She has 3 other room-mates.
Home is only home, when a building houses a family together. Hence, house for home.
There is no house, nor home here.
The room was all hers, as the room-mates went home respectively during the weekends.
As her only audience and someone to listen to, she turned on the TV.
Immersing in those 'give-me-a-break' love dramas and movies.
One after another.
If there were to be a description of her belief system, here is one :
To her superbly well-informed knowledge, there ain't any Prince Charming that doesn't carry a prickly rose around, asking for the right one's hand.
And the unforeseen price to pay, is to be pricked by the love he has handed over.
Such is life.
Never a thing too good, or too bad.
Silence soared and spoke the loudest.
It seemed that the woman sound lonely, and not.
The quiet external is just background to the rustling and fumbling internal.
Throughout the years, time has provided different constituent feelings to missing.
Her faraway partner.
Her not-so-faraway daughter.
Both were equally estranged.
Growing up in a family that drilled kids to work for financial support has probably genetically altered her sinew.
Tough and harshness take place of resilience.
Holes are tried to be mend through filling money over the cavity.
Things were pretty complicated and tangled inside there, ain't they ?
It is always better to tune to the TV, and to things that do not make sense.
After all, what does ?
The woman, and the TV.
Unexpressed love, unspoken truth from deep heart's core, unseen wounds - Everything cease to exist when non-sense actually means literal.
No sense - blockage of all five senses.
Blockage from everything.
The woman, and the TV.
Rendered mute, I dedicate this to another woman who has selective mutism when it comes to expressing and sharing of love.
Life is hard. And TV is not a solution.
At the end of the day, love is. And love always wins.
蓝海.朝阳.星星.静-夜.温馨 －站起来，就有明天了－
Photo Gallery^^
Tuesday 3 January 2017
Monday 20 June 2016
Wee
They said dreams keep you awake.
And here I am.
Not knowing what my dreams are keep my awake - W-I-D-E awake.
God bless I happened to click into TED's talk by Emilie Wapnick.
Felt like God has heard my soul's cry and led me to this wonderful video on multi-potential-ites (Title: Why some of us don't have one true calling)
Interest has proliferated since pa discussed post-grad. option few months back.
Nauseated while bouncing back and forth, within and between 'dreams' - Except they are not happening by stage like REM.
Promised myself to pursue the practical path during masters, before solely dedicated to the research track. And suddenly, neuroscience has never been that appealing before - God bless me -.-
Vying in the working world on the other hand, addresses another big piece of my pie of dream; financial capability to indulge pa and ma. We could finally travel as a family - With their child funding the entire trip, or more trips to come.
I guess it was the melatonin spike - The sudden urge to fill in personality test to see which rabbit hole I should leap into (*lol). And the sudden recall of "two roads diverged into two..."
Thoughts have gone long, long way; deep, deep down.
Yet foot steps, pitter-a-patter.
Good night world.
Toast to identity moratorium!
And here I am.
Not knowing what my dreams are keep my awake - W-I-D-E awake.
God bless I happened to click into TED's talk by Emilie Wapnick.
Felt like God has heard my soul's cry and led me to this wonderful video on multi-potential-ites (Title: Why some of us don't have one true calling)
Interest has proliferated since pa discussed post-grad. option few months back.
Nauseated while bouncing back and forth, within and between 'dreams' - Except they are not happening by stage like REM.
Promised myself to pursue the practical path during masters, before solely dedicated to the research track. And suddenly, neuroscience has never been that appealing before - God bless me -.-
Vying in the working world on the other hand, addresses another big piece of my pie of dream; financial capability to indulge pa and ma. We could finally travel as a family - With their child funding the entire trip, or more trips to come.
I guess it was the melatonin spike - The sudden urge to fill in personality test to see which rabbit hole I should leap into (*lol). And the sudden recall of "two roads diverged into two..."
Thoughts have gone long, long way; deep, deep down.
Yet foot steps, pitter-a-patter.
Good night world.
Toast to identity moratorium!
Monday 24 August 2015
Amateurism_defined
Close your eyes
see no vice
yet hearing cries
and we are only endowed with two hands
So
immerse in the flow of craziness
reach out to make the world less hopeless
see no vice
yet hearing cries
and we are only endowed with two hands
So
immerse in the flow of craziness
reach out to make the world less hopeless
Thursday 13 August 2015
Hat
Hat-clad day.
Ain't black or white hat hacker I'm saying here.
An emo hat.
Asked permission from myself earlier to acknowledge today is The hat-wearing day.
Didn't take a long time to fish it from the closet - the one interwoven with intricacies and sophistication of relational networks.
And today, one particular strand stands out.
Reiterating religiously, "You don't snip it away just because of that one glitch, handled properly, is going to live up to its way to the beauty of imperfections."
And the rational one just in front the emotional bun decided to go poetic.
"You know it ain't so.
Pull your knees closer and cross your arms over.
Rest your head on for you just need a shoulder. "
진짜,아니야 .
Just wanna dance to this song right now.
*On a second note, I-cant-dance-who-am-I-kidding -.- On a third note, self-amusement means I'm gonna throw on my party hat and continue rolling, soon.
So, on the count to...3, and? Hey presto!
Ain't black or white hat hacker I'm saying here.
An emo hat.
Asked permission from myself earlier to acknowledge today is The hat-wearing day.
Didn't take a long time to fish it from the closet - the one interwoven with intricacies and sophistication of relational networks.
And today, one particular strand stands out.
Reiterating religiously, "You don't snip it away just because of that one glitch, handled properly, is going to live up to its way to the beauty of imperfections."
And the rational one just in front the emotional bun decided to go poetic.
"You know it ain't so.
Pull your knees closer and cross your arms over.
Rest your head on for you just need a shoulder. "
진짜,아니야 .
Just wanna dance to this song right now.
*On a second note, I-cant-dance-who-am-I-kidding -.- On a third note, self-amusement means I'm gonna throw on my party hat and continue rolling, soon.
So, on the count to...3, and? Hey presto!
Tuesday 11 August 2015
Stronger
No gimmicks, just, S.T.R.O.N.G.E.R
Eoja (*nick name) shared a post on her being competitive and how this influences her fallen apart relationship, which then sparked me into thinking.
She mentioned winning and losing the game.
As much as I am unwilling to admit this, I have my moment on this too. Yes, it is immature to even treat broken relationships and our broken selves as the ramification of losing the game, while the other person a.k.a ex strides with his/ her chest puffs out.
But we all need answers. A closure. A something to fill out the gap in our story; exactly, what happened? Coz' even if we don't, our family members do. Our mutual friends do.
And we feel compelled to afford explanations. More so if the other party initiates the call-off. That scarlet letter "D" is going to be imprinted and bore for some time, during which we might not understand why are we the ones being branded like coos.
We start talking to friends, reaching out to family members, indulging in endless work, boozing to numb every central and peripheral nerves so that they stop paining.
We observe the 5 stages of grief, where sometimes we are troubled by the same scenery again and again; getting sad and feeling better the other day before landing into a swirl of maddening-miscellaneous emotions.
And just as we believe we are about to be stuffed by all the things on our plates, concerning others start adding some on our mountain of food.
"You deserve so much better."
"He/she is a jerk. You should move on."
"It's okay. You're gonna be fine."
"Don't sweat it. It's small stuff. There are other more big stuffs in life. Be strong."
They too, are concerned and feel compelled to offer us answers. It is unbearable for our loved ones to see us making lots of divergent thinking which eventually leads back to square one.
It is tough, but doesn't mean it is not viable.
I gradually learned (the hard way) to construct and tell myself story The Way I Want It to be Told.
I guess we all feel sentimental after a nostalgic movie, as it resonates with us at some point, somehow.
And to have something which resonates with resilience, perseverance, and courage, we tell ourselves story using these elements as building blocks.
Things happen. Bad things happen. Very bad things happen.
And for those bad things, their happening do not 100% held us accountable.
Lots of things are needed for something to realize; chemistry is complicated, hence is life.
If a broken relationship means losing to you,
then it must also means winning to you,
because there is pain, there is gain, and vice-versa.
Maybe today is just not your day where you could proudly tell yourself: That's it I'm done with this!
But there will for sure be such a day, when you look at the bitchy incident, you strut, smile before waving: I can't beat you, so I joined you, and I came out as a better person, a happy bitch, and roll ;)
Toast to all the strong hearts out there :)
Sealed the post with Wong Fu's After Us <3
Eoja (*nick name) shared a post on her being competitive and how this influences her fallen apart relationship, which then sparked me into thinking.
She mentioned winning and losing the game.
As much as I am unwilling to admit this, I have my moment on this too. Yes, it is immature to even treat broken relationships and our broken selves as the ramification of losing the game, while the other person a.k.a ex strides with his/ her chest puffs out.
But we all need answers. A closure. A something to fill out the gap in our story; exactly, what happened? Coz' even if we don't, our family members do. Our mutual friends do.
And we feel compelled to afford explanations. More so if the other party initiates the call-off. That scarlet letter "D" is going to be imprinted and bore for some time, during which we might not understand why are we the ones being branded like coos.
We start talking to friends, reaching out to family members, indulging in endless work, boozing to numb every central and peripheral nerves so that they stop paining.
We observe the 5 stages of grief, where sometimes we are troubled by the same scenery again and again; getting sad and feeling better the other day before landing into a swirl of maddening-miscellaneous emotions.
And just as we believe we are about to be stuffed by all the things on our plates, concerning others start adding some on our mountain of food.
"You deserve so much better."
"He/she is a jerk. You should move on."
"It's okay. You're gonna be fine."
"Don't sweat it. It's small stuff. There are other more big stuffs in life. Be strong."
They too, are concerned and feel compelled to offer us answers. It is unbearable for our loved ones to see us making lots of divergent thinking which eventually leads back to square one.
It is tough, but doesn't mean it is not viable.
I gradually learned (the hard way) to construct and tell myself story The Way I Want It to be Told.
I guess we all feel sentimental after a nostalgic movie, as it resonates with us at some point, somehow.
And to have something which resonates with resilience, perseverance, and courage, we tell ourselves story using these elements as building blocks.
Things happen. Bad things happen. Very bad things happen.
And for those bad things, their happening do not 100% held us accountable.
Lots of things are needed for something to realize; chemistry is complicated, hence is life.
If a broken relationship means losing to you,
then it must also means winning to you,
because there is pain, there is gain, and vice-versa.
Maybe today is just not your day where you could proudly tell yourself: That's it I'm done with this!
But there will for sure be such a day, when you look at the bitchy incident, you strut, smile before waving: I can't beat you, so I joined you, and I came out as a better person, a happy bitch, and roll ;)
Toast to all the strong hearts out there :)
Friday 7 August 2015
爱.这回事
身旁大部分的朋友不是低头看脸书，Instagram，就是在轰轰烈烈地讨论着红透半边天的武媚娘传奇。
昨晚跟同学Real (*代名词）聊起这套电视剧，都不约而同觉得这浪漫唯美的剧情会让史学家们蹦脚。
Real 很感慨；权利可以侵蚀一个人至此。
当一个单纯浪漫主义的人道出“尝过权力、金钱、爱情才知道只有权力和金钱才互相取暖依偎”时，我也感慨了。自高中毕业分道扬镳后，你到底走过什么样的旅程呢？
捎点无奈，你笑说我单纯开朗，入世未深，尚未见过这个社会的人心险恶，所谓情谊，都只是居心叵测。
只是Real, 处身于社会的大染缸，能不被染上任何一点色彩吗？
在韩国修哲学时，很喜欢老师对阴、阳的见解；因为阴所以阳，因为圆所以缺。
所以Real,开朗的资本，是之前掉进人生其中一个摸不清十指更甭谈自己的一颗心的谷底时，即使折断两条腿也慢慢地让自己站起来，随之对着昔日的黑暗深深鞠个躬然后豪迈地大笑自己傻气把自己给绊倒了；因为暗，所以光。
而你，也因为爱，所以恨，对吗？痛恨自己的天真、悔恨自己的高估。
今早看了以色列海法大学的研究，其中一项结果特别有劲儿。
简单而言，就是研究者们发现两只初见面的老鼠脑神经元所产生的火花可灿烂了。就算把其中一只老鼠移开，剩下的那只老鼠脑神经元所产生的火花依旧轰烈(in a state of social arousal). 只是，当两只老鼠开始熟悉彼此时，火花就没那么惊天动地泣鬼神了。
突发奇想你所倾诉的。
或许你跟过去心爱的他亦如此。不管从那个角度瞻望仰望，希望热恋期分分秒秒过一辈子的都属不切实际。撇开爱情三角理论，从进化论到２１世纪最热切的中央神经系统研究，到对现在的你而言最贴切的现实论，没有一辈子的洪水爆发肾上腺素激增。
爱跟热恋不是同等关系；它只是大爱里的其中一个小爱。日子久了火花少了，难道就不叫爱了吗？我们又怎么能肯定在火花薄弱的时候，有一些其他的东西开始滋长了呢；就好像，滋养了一份成熟、一人变俩人一起奋斗的梦想；因为少，所以多。
你也说，带着疼痛的伤口，自己压根儿都不想在再踏步于感情这条路。雨夜搂着房子车子钞票似乎更温暖踏实有存在感。
I get you so far, except for the warmth part；请问你搂着的是在烧钞票的锅子吗？还是印有钞票图案的暖暖包？
傻丫头。
哪个人在感情里都是clean slate不带伤的啊，虽说现在外科手术很发达。
The prettiest thing?
Two persons who were in the past hurt to the heart's core, holding hands, side by side, comparing gnarly scars, laugh at them, and embrace each other into each other's world.
昨晚跟同学Real (*代名词）聊起这套电视剧，都不约而同觉得这浪漫唯美的剧情会让史学家们蹦脚。
Real 很感慨；权利可以侵蚀一个人至此。
当一个单纯浪漫主义的人道出“尝过权力、金钱、爱情才知道只有权力和金钱才互相取暖依偎”时，我也感慨了。自高中毕业分道扬镳后，你到底走过什么样的旅程呢？
捎点无奈，你笑说我单纯开朗，入世未深，尚未见过这个社会的人心险恶，所谓情谊，都只是居心叵测。
只是Real, 处身于社会的大染缸，能不被染上任何一点色彩吗？
在韩国修哲学时，很喜欢老师对阴、阳的见解；因为阴所以阳，因为圆所以缺。
所以Real,开朗的资本，是之前掉进人生其中一个摸不清十指更甭谈自己的一颗心的谷底时，即使折断两条腿也慢慢地让自己站起来，随之对着昔日的黑暗深深鞠个躬然后豪迈地大笑自己傻气把自己给绊倒了；因为暗，所以光。
而你，也因为爱，所以恨，对吗？痛恨自己的天真、悔恨自己的高估。
今早看了以色列海法大学的研究，其中一项结果特别有劲儿。
简单而言，就是研究者们发现两只初见面的老鼠脑神经元所产生的火花可灿烂了。就算把其中一只老鼠移开，剩下的那只老鼠脑神经元所产生的火花依旧轰烈(in a state of social arousal). 只是，当两只老鼠开始熟悉彼此时，火花就没那么惊天动地泣鬼神了。
突发奇想你所倾诉的。
或许你跟过去心爱的他亦如此。不管从那个角度瞻望仰望，希望热恋期分分秒秒过一辈子的都属不切实际。撇开爱情三角理论，从进化论到２１世纪最热切的中央神经系统研究，到对现在的你而言最贴切的现实论，没有一辈子的洪水爆发肾上腺素激增。
爱跟热恋不是同等关系；它只是大爱里的其中一个小爱。日子久了火花少了，难道就不叫爱了吗？我们又怎么能肯定在火花薄弱的时候，有一些其他的东西开始滋长了呢；就好像，滋养了一份成熟、一人变俩人一起奋斗的梦想；因为少，所以多。
你也说，带着疼痛的伤口，自己压根儿都不想在再踏步于感情这条路。雨夜搂着房子车子钞票似乎更温暖踏实有存在感。
I get you so far, except for the warmth part；请问你搂着的是在烧钞票的锅子吗？还是印有钞票图案的暖暖包？
傻丫头。
哪个人在感情里都是clean slate不带伤的啊，虽说现在外科手术很发达。
The prettiest thing?
Two persons who were in the past hurt to the heart's core, holding hands, side by side, comparing gnarly scars, laugh at them, and embrace each other into each other's world.
Wednesday 5 August 2015
致亲爱的女孩：
女孩，
当自个儿的女友诉说自己的治疗风格不被按部就班的supervisor接纳时，
你着急地抓住她的手说，
把supervisor换了－千万别因此丧失自己spontaneous且独具疗愈性陪伴的风格！
女孩，
当八年的好姐妹哭诉自己会因身形而不被任何人接纳及爱护时，
你一把眼泪地搂住她说，
把会嫌弃你外在的混蛋给甩后头－千万别因此对人性及爱情丧失了最初的信任与悸动！
女孩，
当爱得疯狂傻得天真的恋爱落幕自己被席卷到无穷无尽的黑暗时，
你撕掉了身上的那套爱情嫁纱，边燎起火源边搂着自己说，
不幸的存在只因想让你知道幸福在不远处，柳暗花明又一村；只要把光带到黑暗里，就有光明了。
女孩，
你是如此的有爱，坚强；看似被摧毁，殊不知是置死地、而后生。
请相信自己所栽种的爱心花圃，它们的根都扎在充满孕育的土壤；每朵开出的花，都是风雨后，虽疲惫，虽损伤，但仍怀着赤子之心把花开得最好最美，希望看到的人都有那么一点点地被疗愈。
所以女孩，
你是好用心地在经营自己那破碎的完整，
别为了任何一个人，包括现在亲爱的他而改变了自己那美丽的根本。
爱是让自己成为更好的人，与他并肩并没有错。
但爱不是雕刻－把自己刻成他爱的形状。
若是这样，那亲爱的女孩，你会去哪里呢？
你，快乐吗？
 |
| Tulip_Everland_Seoul, Korea__Yenn |
女孩，
还记得你最喜欢的郁金香吗？
娇嫩，但从六英寸的深土破尘而出。
女孩，
还记得你最喜欢的一首歌吗？
“懂得天真是包袱 却不想改变面目”
送给最亲爱的你：像女孩的女人
真诚地祝福，你也永远保有自己那有爱nurturing的灵性~
Thursday 30 July 2015
4G X 4R
最近一直捻手就翻到了《莫非，这就是爱情》的quote。仔细一看，转发的人很多。
虽然是芳龄１８外加８年趴趴照的经验，但对情情爱爱的偶像剧是唯恐避之而不及。
Paradox.
偏偏处身于一个懂得越多就会有派上用场的心理系。想想也是。要是再忽略脑子里的这块，缺乏stimulation岂不促成了neuronal weakness甚至是death，然后在日后的session对着面临感情concern的client可真的可以变成一字真言大师了-恩，啊？哦。。。
外加自己还是一直很感恩不是一只猫，所以就很放纵好奇心了 :)
So much of rationalization just to watch a drama -.-
剧里其中一个central notion，就是女主角感情受创，当上爱情医生后的4G好男人理论：Guts 有担当，Giver 不掌控愿意付出，Gentle 个性体贴，Guarantee 专情不拈花惹草。
Not very much to constitute a checklist ;)
But no doubt, 就是好男人的４个守则。
虽然是adapt 了绝代商骄的前５后１(5) 法则：看前５集了解故事大纲再来个pre-mature ending，直看结局，但还是得到了一些很有用的心得跟感触。
４G理论也inspires 了我的４R（但不是理论,纯属是hayatilah sama-sama):
献给每一个断了两条腿还站着，头还抬起眼睛盯着目标前进的勇士们, 4R:
Ravenous- Constantly be hungry to know more and learn more. Beginner's mind, beginner's lens :)
Resourceful- Evolution is great in that the world has A unique you, and you have all the power with you to mobilize amid badly screwed situation :)
Resilient- We all will get over our falls one day. Just do not hasten the process, because inside everyone of us, we are Destined to stand up & Defy the gravity ;)
Road - & whatever happens, trust your pocketful of other Rs and hit the road again!
^^ Beauty defined #blueblack #帅的是个性不是皮囊
*And Murphy's Law of Love is no doubt a good series :) Thumbs up!
虽然是芳龄１８外加８年趴趴照的经验，但对情情爱爱的偶像剧是唯恐避之而不及。
Paradox.
偏偏处身于一个懂得越多就会有派上用场的心理系。想想也是。要是再忽略脑子里的这块，缺乏stimulation岂不促成了neuronal weakness甚至是death，然后在日后的session对着面临感情concern的client可真的可以变成一字真言大师了-恩，啊？哦。。。
外加自己还是一直很感恩不是一只猫，所以就很放纵好奇心了 :)
So much of rationalization just to watch a drama -.-
剧里其中一个central notion，就是女主角感情受创，当上爱情医生后的4G好男人理论：Guts 有担当，Giver 不掌控愿意付出，Gentle 个性体贴，Guarantee 专情不拈花惹草。
Not very much to constitute a checklist ;)
But no doubt, 就是好男人的４个守则。
虽然是adapt 了绝代商骄的前５后１(5) 法则：看前５集了解故事大纲再来个pre-mature ending，直看结局，但还是得到了一些很有用的心得跟感触。
- Most start out not knowing what they want, until meeting the somebody that helps them in formulating partner-selection theory; a yardstick for future relationship. 了解checklist上的择偶条件，it could offer a peek into the individual's previous relationship, but use with caveat.
- 受了伤，自己常常去帮助其他人解围，走出一个又一个的困境；唯独自己－向前拐个弯，却担心再遇到minotaur 。不是所有脸上24/7 sunshine的人没有受过伤，更不是已经痊愈到恢复了往日状态。很喜欢我的论文教授兼Traumatic Brain Injury 专家常常在课堂上提醒着的话：'TBI patients will regain some of their functions, but never return to the pre-TBI functioning state.' 所以不管伤口大小，we are bound to be changed. 别看到一个曾经在谷底的朋友／家人重新站起来，就不痛不痒的认为对方只是在sojourn；更别说发生的只是小事，或以羡慕的口吻说对方很lucky－前者deny 了对方默哀的权利，后者negate了对方为了重新站起来而断了两条腿的勇气。
- 剧中男女主角都因为情感受创而对开始一段新的旅程瞻前顾后。忘了在哪里看到这么一句：The only way to know if you are fit for a game, is to enter the game and start playing, unreservedly. Yes, it is normal to be terrified, petrified, mortified; 毕竟一旦被蛇咬，１０年怕草绳。But hey, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger ;) So, buy Kelly Clarkson, 让古语一旁站。
４G理论也inspires 了我的４R（但不是理论,纯属是hayatilah sama-sama):
献给每一个断了两条腿还站着，头还抬起眼睛盯着目标前进的勇士们, 4R:
Ravenous- Constantly be hungry to know more and learn more. Beginner's mind, beginner's lens :)
Resourceful- Evolution is great in that the world has A unique you, and you have all the power with you to mobilize amid badly screwed situation :)
Resilient- We all will get over our falls one day. Just do not hasten the process, because inside everyone of us, we are Destined to stand up & Defy the gravity ;)
Road - & whatever happens, trust your pocketful of other Rs and hit the road again!
^^ Beauty defined #blueblack #帅的是个性不是皮囊
*And Murphy's Law of Love is no doubt a good series :) Thumbs up!
Wednesday 29 July 2015
唉、碍、哀；爱
这，是一个真实的故事。(主角名字，学历，职业被改了以保护隐私。)
“跟*小花好久没有联络了。
再次联络是因为他那像张小娴的文笔，外加朋友圈里的大家眼耳口鼻都围绕着他。这个‘花’别三日，也太刮目相看了。
原来小花恋爱了。初恋。
然后就是像一般情侣那样，高潮低落。只是那爱情的潮汐，怎么属退潮的多？
小花从来就不是一个庸人自忧的男孩，充其量也只是一个沉静，心里装载着许多故事的工作狂；百行孝为先的最佳人选。也许，在小花的故事里，最沉重且也不愿意去正视的环节，是不上健身房亦很健壮的事。
然后小花做了一个决定：浪退，我进；是否我就能走进她那深如海抓摸不着的心里去？然后走着走着，就伴了－就像那水连天，我，连你。
接着就是无数日子的前进，摸索，沟通，妥协；妥协、再妥协。
依旧是退潮－遍布沙滩的，是小花一步一步往前走去的足迹；弥漫的，是股诡异的气息。
身为一个Forex的投资者，小花知道付出得越多，收获就可能跟付出成正比。
可能。
而小花低估了这个可能，因为潮汐似乎退到了尽头，开始慢慢地涨起来了－开始的漫不经心，到后来的嚣张跋扈，到最后的，是措手不及的海啸。
小花彻彻底底地被吞噬。
风平浪静后，小花逼着自己爬上岸了。他失去了那双温暖的手，失去了那双希望的眼睛，失去了那颗会跳动的心。世界是黑的，温度是冷的，心电图是直线的。
他知道若自己求助于医院，他毫无疑问是 'cert'. 他还有双亲跟弟妹。他必须活下去。
于是，小花跟酒精还有工作做了一个交换条件：他们帮助小花活下去；小花从此的人生，由他们掌控。”
我对小花，有一肚子说不出的话。
忘了是在哪里看到这么一句话：一个人若不爱你，即使你赤身，裸体；在那个不爱你的人眼前，你也不过是摊血与骨。
承认一个你爱的人不爱你，不错，真的是一件很难的事。
你说自己是胆小鬼，只懂得一味妥协，明知道待她转身后，等待她的是好多个明亮的明天；而自己的，则是久久的卑微。
其实你知道吗？妥协也需要很多的气－勇气、大气、和气。也许你也真的太多气了，所以现在是气死自己。
你认为自己跟她一起，是十分地不般配，所以得纡尊降贵，在爱情面前谦卑就是持久的王道。你真的看错也理解错了－看错你自己，理解错了爱情。
你真的有那么不堪吗？*微生物学的学位，是你辛辛苦苦赚来的，当中秒杀了多少咖啡、脑细胞，你看到什么了吗？*现任主管且身兼多要职的职位，是你24/7 x (365/366 - 公共假日）得来的，你看到什么了吗？放弃了新加坡就职机会留在这里只为离双亲近一点，你看到什么了吗？
那呼之欲出但有不坑不卑的个性，我都看到了。
即使学位，工作，健壮都拿掉不谈，你就是那个认为是值得坚持就很奋身尽心的拼命三郎；那个受了伤但还把刀子往怀里安抚把错都揽在自己身上的人；那个即使伤得连酒精也麻木不了噬心之痛却还在担心关心亲人朋友同事下属的人。
It is Not you that she is treating you like this.
It is Never you.
Whatever she said or did during many of those nasty moments do not for a matter of fact represent you.
I really wish you'd know YOU ARE SO MUCH MORE TO WHO YOU ARE.
爱情里有唉声，有阻碍，有悲哀。爱你的那个人，不叫 smother, 也不是mother, 而是sail together :)
浩瀚大海，祝福你找回one piece 的spirit, 总会找到那个和你一起晕船的人，两个人晕着晕着就这么一辈子沉浸了^^
“跟*小花好久没有联络了。
再次联络是因为他那像张小娴的文笔，外加朋友圈里的大家眼耳口鼻都围绕着他。这个‘花’别三日，也太刮目相看了。
原来小花恋爱了。初恋。
然后就是像一般情侣那样，高潮低落。只是那爱情的潮汐，怎么属退潮的多？
小花从来就不是一个庸人自忧的男孩，充其量也只是一个沉静，心里装载着许多故事的工作狂；百行孝为先的最佳人选。也许，在小花的故事里，最沉重且也不愿意去正视的环节，是不上健身房亦很健壮的事。
然后小花做了一个决定：浪退，我进；是否我就能走进她那深如海抓摸不着的心里去？然后走着走着，就伴了－就像那水连天，我，连你。
接着就是无数日子的前进，摸索，沟通，妥协；妥协、再妥协。
依旧是退潮－遍布沙滩的，是小花一步一步往前走去的足迹；弥漫的，是股诡异的气息。
身为一个Forex的投资者，小花知道付出得越多，收获就可能跟付出成正比。
可能。
而小花低估了这个可能，因为潮汐似乎退到了尽头，开始慢慢地涨起来了－开始的漫不经心，到后来的嚣张跋扈，到最后的，是措手不及的海啸。
小花彻彻底底地被吞噬。
风平浪静后，小花逼着自己爬上岸了。他失去了那双温暖的手，失去了那双希望的眼睛，失去了那颗会跳动的心。世界是黑的，温度是冷的，心电图是直线的。
他知道若自己求助于医院，他毫无疑问是 'cert'. 他还有双亲跟弟妹。他必须活下去。
于是，小花跟酒精还有工作做了一个交换条件：他们帮助小花活下去；小花从此的人生，由他们掌控。”
我对小花，有一肚子说不出的话。
忘了是在哪里看到这么一句话：一个人若不爱你，即使你赤身，裸体；在那个不爱你的人眼前，你也不过是摊血与骨。
承认一个你爱的人不爱你，不错，真的是一件很难的事。
你说自己是胆小鬼，只懂得一味妥协，明知道待她转身后，等待她的是好多个明亮的明天；而自己的，则是久久的卑微。
其实你知道吗？妥协也需要很多的气－勇气、大气、和气。也许你也真的太多气了，所以现在是气死自己。
你认为自己跟她一起，是十分地不般配，所以得纡尊降贵，在爱情面前谦卑就是持久的王道。你真的看错也理解错了－看错你自己，理解错了爱情。
你真的有那么不堪吗？*微生物学的学位，是你辛辛苦苦赚来的，当中秒杀了多少咖啡、脑细胞，你看到什么了吗？*现任主管且身兼多要职的职位，是你24/7 x (365/366 - 公共假日）得来的，你看到什么了吗？放弃了新加坡就职机会留在这里只为离双亲近一点，你看到什么了吗？
那呼之欲出但有不坑不卑的个性，我都看到了。
即使学位，工作，健壮都拿掉不谈，你就是那个认为是值得坚持就很奋身尽心的拼命三郎；那个受了伤但还把刀子往怀里安抚把错都揽在自己身上的人；那个即使伤得连酒精也麻木不了噬心之痛却还在担心关心亲人朋友同事下属的人。
It is Not you that she is treating you like this.
It is Never you.
Whatever she said or did during many of those nasty moments do not for a matter of fact represent you.
I really wish you'd know YOU ARE SO MUCH MORE TO WHO YOU ARE.
爱情里有唉声，有阻碍，有悲哀。爱你的那个人，不叫 smother, 也不是mother, 而是sail together :)
浩瀚大海，祝福你找回one piece 的spirit, 总会找到那个和你一起晕船的人，两个人晕着晕着就这么一辈子沉浸了^^
Thursday 11 December 2014
Lion King night (Knight)
It has been real long (blogging) and was even battling where to let my words run real wild :P
While running elaborative and sophisticated to-do specifics in mind, three senses of the rest voted to glue to ongoing Lion King :)
It has been really long too, since the last time watching Lion King (can't remember how long that is). But I remember enjoy watching Disney loads, because right and wrong is just as it is: Right, OR Wrong. Either. I guess I'd buy B.F Skinner back then.
And so is Lion King.
Being mean is wrong (*actually mean is conservative considering Scar kills his own brother). Hence the punishment= devoured alive= bad ending for bad fella. While the good guy strides towards the light, a future brightly illuminated with blessings, from heaven and earth.
But life ain't always this way. And despite the headaches it gives, I love how it is.
Today has been quite a puzzled day for me, at work, over some personal sentiments. Sometimes it is interesting to catch (yes catch, coz most of us operate on auto- I buy Freud loads) how we react to certain event, and contemplating, brooding, brain work, google, self-help books yada yada yada, just won't do -- can't find the answer to our reaction.
Watching Lion King, got this eureka moment. Probably thanks to my age, perspective changes and thus, aha!^^
- When Mufasa died, Scar did what an upsetting person would ask for: being there, and offer solace.
Like life.
How many times we break down, thinking that besides our heart and soul, even the world is falling apart? And the saddest part? No one there.
And then we start to question, why me God? Don't you love me anymore? What did I do wrong?
And then we start to pray, please, dear God. Just one person. If only a single soul is here, with me, by my side, while I drain my pain and sorrow.
Well some day, there will be someone, or more, by our side.
But, take home lesson #1: Whatever that goes along with own expectation/secret wish isn't necessarily good. Cinderella would say dreams come true. But life would say, hey pal, this is reality you are talking about. Anything is possible here.
Which then brings me to the second contradicting point.
- Dehydrated and on-the-verge of being eaten Simba saved by Pumbaa and Timon.
Like life.
Don't give up, even if about to use up last bit of brain juice.
Anything is possible in life, and this includes help from anyone. Quoting from "Three Character Classic": We are all born with a benevolent heart.
Building on this:
- Pumbaa and Timon with their Hakuna Matata definitely help lift up the poor kid who is made to believe he indirectly causes his father's death. But they find guarded by great dead souls in the sky funny- flip-side for Simba.
Friends can be in so many parts of our lives. So much so until our laughter could be classically conditioned to them- laugh= friend.
Even though we share loads of laughter and happiness, but they do not know everything about us. And it is rather harsh if we ever expect our friends to behave so and so, because "they should have known better".
No they don't, even for Simba, Pumbaa and Timon who live together.
Friends are blessings from God, not telepatists.
Be responsible and sensible about our deepest pain and fear.
It is a vortex that will not only consume ourselves but also God's blessings should we expect our friends to act like Professor X; "they should know".
- Scar becomes the King backed by hyenas. Scar becomes the Food, face to face with the hyenas.
An irony, but true.
What we strive on, it could bring us down one day.
Life to me, it is not so much of either-or after all.
More of it could be neither-nor. It could be both.
And the important thing?
The external surrounding is like umami taste, grabbing and hogging all our senses ensuring we are finely attuned to them. But it doesn't matter what happens outside. It matters what going on inside. What you see, represents what is played inside.
I am grappling with quite a lot of terms reality thrown to me recently.
So not so much word of wisdom :P
Just wish all of us could stay strong, and go on with what life offers.
There is always meaning behind every encounter ^^
While running elaborative and sophisticated to-do specifics in mind, three senses of the rest voted to glue to ongoing Lion King :)
It has been really long too, since the last time watching Lion King (can't remember how long that is). But I remember enjoy watching Disney loads, because right and wrong is just as it is: Right, OR Wrong. Either. I guess I'd buy B.F Skinner back then.
And so is Lion King.
Being mean is wrong (*actually mean is conservative considering Scar kills his own brother). Hence the punishment= devoured alive= bad ending for bad fella. While the good guy strides towards the light, a future brightly illuminated with blessings, from heaven and earth.
But life ain't always this way. And despite the headaches it gives, I love how it is.
Today has been quite a puzzled day for me, at work, over some personal sentiments. Sometimes it is interesting to catch (yes catch, coz most of us operate on auto- I buy Freud loads) how we react to certain event, and contemplating, brooding, brain work, google, self-help books yada yada yada, just won't do -- can't find the answer to our reaction.
Watching Lion King, got this eureka moment. Probably thanks to my age, perspective changes and thus, aha!^^
- When Mufasa died, Scar did what an upsetting person would ask for: being there, and offer solace.
Like life.
How many times we break down, thinking that besides our heart and soul, even the world is falling apart? And the saddest part? No one there.
And then we start to question, why me God? Don't you love me anymore? What did I do wrong?
And then we start to pray, please, dear God. Just one person. If only a single soul is here, with me, by my side, while I drain my pain and sorrow.
Well some day, there will be someone, or more, by our side.
But, take home lesson #1: Whatever that goes along with own expectation/secret wish isn't necessarily good. Cinderella would say dreams come true. But life would say, hey pal, this is reality you are talking about. Anything is possible here.
Which then brings me to the second contradicting point.
- Dehydrated and on-the-verge of being eaten Simba saved by Pumbaa and Timon.
Like life.
Don't give up, even if about to use up last bit of brain juice.
Anything is possible in life, and this includes help from anyone. Quoting from "Three Character Classic": We are all born with a benevolent heart.
Building on this:
- Pumbaa and Timon with their Hakuna Matata definitely help lift up the poor kid who is made to believe he indirectly causes his father's death. But they find guarded by great dead souls in the sky funny- flip-side for Simba.
Friends can be in so many parts of our lives. So much so until our laughter could be classically conditioned to them- laugh= friend.
Even though we share loads of laughter and happiness, but they do not know everything about us. And it is rather harsh if we ever expect our friends to behave so and so, because "they should have known better".
No they don't, even for Simba, Pumbaa and Timon who live together.
Friends are blessings from God, not telepatists.
Be responsible and sensible about our deepest pain and fear.
It is a vortex that will not only consume ourselves but also God's blessings should we expect our friends to act like Professor X; "they should know".
- Scar becomes the King backed by hyenas. Scar becomes the Food, face to face with the hyenas.
An irony, but true.
What we strive on, it could bring us down one day.
Life to me, it is not so much of either-or after all.
More of it could be neither-nor. It could be both.
And the important thing?
The external surrounding is like umami taste, grabbing and hogging all our senses ensuring we are finely attuned to them. But it doesn't matter what happens outside. It matters what going on inside. What you see, represents what is played inside.
I am grappling with quite a lot of terms reality thrown to me recently.
So not so much word of wisdom :P
Just wish all of us could stay strong, and go on with what life offers.
There is always meaning behind every encounter ^^
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